Antivirus programs are a conspiracy...a bad scam of one, at that. I find it highly ironic that only certain programs find certain 'threats' on my computer while others find different ones. Sure, the program makers added a deal to pop up every so often that sais my computer has blocked a virus and then every few months it finds a 'virus' and fixes it to show me 'whata good boy it is'. But don't ever try to uninstall the virus protection or let the trial subscription run out! If you don't keep throwing money at the company, the viruses THEY developed to attack your computer as an 'I told you so' will hit you hard and force you to run back to the company with your tail between your legs to buy everything they have to offer because you still think they work.

They can kiss my ass.

Yeah, I use Norton.

Much to my chagrin.

interesting enough that, sometimes, when you see a person that you think you want...it turns out for the better you don't get them. i am not a huge country music fan or anything, but there's a song by Garth Brooks that sums it up called Unansered Prayers and it's about a girl he really wanted when he was younger and never got her, then seen her later in life and realized he was so much happier with his new wife than he would have been with this girl he had nothing in common with now.

i love it when i see guys now that i thought i really wanted years ago and i talk with them and just realize that, yeah, i have made good descisions in my love life. some of these guys are nothing like the image i held of them in my mind and i grew up in a different direction than they did. some of them are still immature little bastards and i just know that would have sucked to get emotionally attatched to any of them. i hate drama.

yeah, sometimes i wonder 'what if' and 'where would i be now if only...' but i don't dwell on it because everything is exactly how it should be. don't worry about 'the ones that got away', trust me, they got away for a good reason.

when it's right, they will stay and if they stay, i wish you the best of love.

i went to the Disturbed concert on monday. it was the best concert i have ever been to in my life, hands down. the way he uses his seemingly endless supply of high energy to rally the crowd into a heated frenzy is astounding. David Draiman, the lead singer, is sexy. he is sexy because he's intelligent and has an awesome voice, unique to his style. well, okay, and he looks damn good too.

anyway, the place was packed and the crowd was on its feet the whole time. i have never heard that level of cheering and screaming in my life. being from Wyoming, we don't get big name bands like Disturbed here and we were all so excited to have such an oppertunity. it's great when a big name band comes to smaller venues, showing their love of music, despite the small profit. i haven't seen any bands come through my state worth seeing since i was 14 years old.

Disturbed is going to be in Denver July 7th and i am planning to go. i can't wait to see this band live again!

Jack - Disturbed

okay so this thing is supposed to be a journal, i guess i could use it like one. not like anyone would care, but i joined a gym. a top dollar high class gym. yes, i am insane, but that is besides the point. i don't have many female friends, but my boyfriend's best friend has a wife that i end up hanging out with when we are all four together and she started going to this gym, too. she has two kids and her youngest is the same age as mine (literally, their birthdays are two days apart!) so we are about in the same shape.

if anyone has ever tried to work out or go to a gym, you know it's very difficult to do alone. so we started going together and she goes at 9:00 am because she goes to school in the afternoon. this is not a time that is in my world. in my world, life starts at about 11:00 am, though it is groggy and virtually worthless until about 2:00pm. so this is really tough for me, but i'm doing it. besides, excersize is a natural mood elevator, great for people with depression, like me. i have motivation...i paid over $60 for membership dues! i better go! i also bought a deal like an iPod so i can rock out while running and killing myself on machienes, and some gym clothes.

OMG! i'm turning into a yuppie!

It is wrong to punish children with bad education because their birthday happens to fall on the wrong day. Children who will be five anywhere before halfway through the school year should be allowed to participate in the education level for their age, otherwise they will be mentally held back. It makes no sense to see a five year old child with a class of four year olds, especially if the child turns five a month after the school year starts.

It is, by far, easier to put children where they belong and send them back a grade if they can't handle the class than it is to hold a child who knows everything they should back a grade and have them catch up to their peers later in life. This is one of the many reasons the American school system is so terrible, we start holding our kids back and keeping them down at a very early age.

We should give our children all the oppertunities in the world to learn as much as they are willing to learn in their lifetime. To do this, they should start at the earliest age possible for their brain development. Children love to learn, all they want to do is figure out how their world works and it is a grave punishment to deny them that simple pleasure and awesome ability.

being bi-polar does not mean you are happy in a manic episode. just for the record.

( jack is grumbling a little bit, but just a little. )

It is so great that we live in a country more concerned with the marriage (or not marriage) of Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie than, say, the government problems buried by celebrity tabloids, for example.

Gossip must be a government plot to keep people retarded.

Or is it a people plot meant to keep government retarded?

Whatever. I don't care, keep being shocked by, OMG! George Clooney reportedly took a crap today! save it for prosterity! OMG! Jessica Alba went somewhere and did something today! GASP! what a waste of trees and ink.

Hopefully those people will lose the rest of their brains soon, what little is left.

Isn't jealousy some sort of Catholic sin or something?

Actually, I do know that some (90% of America, apparantly), little minded, petty people are generally appeased with their own lives knowing that celebrities still look like crap under their make-up and lead shitty lives, too...but please, for the love of Pete, when will we reach the limit with this shit? This is sick when more and more Americans need to validate their own lives by comparing them to that of others. Apples and Oranges, people...really.

How about this...try living your own damn life and bettering it for yourself and not comparing it to whatever everyone else is doing? News Flash!

Either that or slam your head into the TV and kill yourself, you are wasting space.



Disclaimer - the opinions expressed above might not accurately match those of the author. Don't try this at home, kids.

I hate prewritten biological laws. If you ask Freud, I have a severe case of penis envy. Personally, I think Freud's common, and all too overused, assessment is made on the grounds that HE, himself, had penis envy.

That aside - why the hell can't men and women hang out and be equals?

All my friends are guys, and I have said it before, I just want to do the things they do and not be made fun of or told I can't do such things. I like fighting, playing poker, watching football, cussing, drinking, driving a big vehicle recklessly, hunting, fishing, camping, car races, etc.

Furthermore, just because I am a girl does NOT mean I want a heroic knight on a white horse to come rescue me. In fact, I want to BE the knight.

I want to have a conversation with a guy about 'guy' stuff where he listens to me and doesn't look at my tits because, obviously, I have no clue what I am talking about when it comes to sports, cars or fighting because I don't have a weenie in my pants in which to house my brain.
( Jack has a long rant and learned to use LJ cuts )

Nature IS a bitch.

"Money, get away.
Get a good job with good pay and you’re okay.
Money, it’s a gas.
Grab that cash with both hands and make a stash."
(Pink Floyd)

i am never going to fully understand this. well, okay, maybe i understand but it just doesn't personally make a ton of sence to me.

why do some people work very hard their entire lives and build up stacks of cash that they never touch and live frugally, perhaps putting some of the money into their vehicle or home improvements, but never taking it to go have fun...then when they are old tired stressed out dogs, they roll over and die unexpectedly anyway, never getting to enjoy this money they workded so hard for because they were saving it for...what?!

and don't you tell me it was for their funeral, a man who works his entire life that hard just to save the money to pay for their funeral is a lunatic, hands down.

THAT is my definition of crazy.

my mom is insane.

J A C K

If you knew a person was going to be gone in a couple years, would you still take your time to fall in love with them and willingly bear the inevitable pain of their absence?

---

i had a whole journal entry written out thursday about this, it was pretty good, but in the end i just deleted it. to sum it up, i miss my best friend. over the course of two years i fell in love with her and we were inseperable, then she moved across the country just like i knew she would on the very first day i met her.

we kept in touch for a long time, but it faded when she got two jobs and her internet connection started getting messed up.

she is my only female friend, the one i would go shopping with and do girlie type things with. her son and my daughter were best friends. i was her midwife for the birth of her daughter.

i miss her.

i remember, she dyes her hair green every year on St. Patrick's day...one year we used food coloring...her hair was green for a very long time...along with my hands. so anyway, on St. Patrick's day...i remembered that and miss her.

i could visit her, but it would just open more wounds when i have to come back home. she came to visit me last year and it just sparked new pain...so now i am torn between wanting so badly to see her and knowing how much it will hurt if i do.

i don't know what to do.

'Heroes' are a funny thing. When we hear the word HERO most of us think of a 'good' type person who has done great things and whom we aspire to be more like in our lives.

Some of us know of the other kind of hero.

This would be the person who we see that has done some things we do not want to be like, thus they inspire us to do the opposite. My sensei once quoted some other guy,

"If you can't be good, at least be a good example of what not to be."

There are a few of 'those' in my life. One such family member has shown me what not to be time and time again. Throughout my life he has shown me how not to treat women, why drugs are not healthy, how not to raise children, and many other wonderful things.

Being my blood father, one would think I might follow in his footsteps more.

"We learn what we are taught, we practice what we learn, we become what we practice."

I agree with that for the most part, many times people try to break out of familiar patters like abuse and other things and fail, mostly because we force ourselves into doing the complete opposite and end up somewhere unknown and unhealthy. Examples would include the people from abusive families who grow up being apathetic, too passive and pushed around or the sexually abused person who won't have sex, the person who's parents used too much discipline so they never use any with their spoiled kids, etc.

Personally I started to follow in 'his' footsteps without even realizing what I was doing, the whole time saying "I will never be like that!"

Isn't it awesome how one small event in a person's life can sometimes make them look back at their entire life from a totally different viewpoint and go, "HOLY SHIT! IS THAT ME?!"

Do you believe in life altering moments? I do. Every second that passes alters my life, some drastically, some subtilly until I look back and go, "Wow, look where I was heading! That would have sucked."

Hindsight and all.

My mom is one of the 'good' heroes. She went from nothing to owning a lot of her own buisnesses and being independantly wealthy. She owns a ranch and lots of vehicles, blah blah material possessions. She earned it all herself by being strong and intelligent and never letting people push her around. She's a bully!

Though she has acomplished so much, I never look at her and wish to be like her. Yes, she has some great qualities that I find healthy and lean towards because she showed me how they work, but for the most part I believe this:

-I'm my own hero-

Hell, if you can't look up to yourself and strive to live your life according to what is healthy for YOU, then what are you doing? Forcing yourself into another person's shoes? Striving to be like others, even small peices, is not healthy. Yes they might have qualities you admire, but they are not your qualities in your life with your situations that are unique to you and only you. I say work with what you have and enhance all your own unique abilities and qualities you find healthy in your life and be someone you can be proud of!

Be your own hero!

- Long ago, as he was walking through a meadow near his village, a boy discovered a fruit tree. The people in the village had never seen a fruit tree before so the boy took a couple of the fruits off the small tree and brought them back to the village with him.

The people loved the fruit, but there was only one tree and more people than fruit. So every year the people would collect the fruit from the tree and split it among the town carefully. That was how it was for a long time.

By accident a man found out how to grow another tree from the seed of the fruit, so they did just that until a whole orchard was blooming and producing an overabundance of fruit every year.

Yet every year they would gather some and carefully seperate them between the people, even though much fruit was wasted because there was so much more than people now. Nobody was allowed to take a fruit otherwise, so that was how it was.

A young child, very curious on the subject of why he couldn't have a peach when he wanted to even with such an abundance, asked his mother one day,

"Mother, I don't understand, there are more than enough fruits for the entire town and even some left over and wasted, why can I not have a fruit now?"

To which she replied promptly,

"This is how it has always been."

----------------------------------------------

this was a zen story i read somewhere once. the basic moral, clearly appearant here, is that times change and what worked before is not always the best thing now. i am kind of sleepy so the version i wrote here might not do the actual story i read justice, bad memory and all!

A magazine recently ran a "Dilbert quotes" contest. They were looking for people to submit quotes from their real life Dilbert-type managers. Here are the finalists.

1. As of tomorrow, employees will only be able to access the building using individual security cards. Pictures will be taken next Wednesday and employees will receive their cards in two weeks; (This was the winning quote from Fred Dales at Microsoft Corp in Redmond, WA.)

2. What I need is a list of specific unknown problems we will encounter. (Lykes Lines Shipping)

3. E-mail is not to be used to pass on information or data. It should be used only for company business. (Accounting manager, ElectricBoat Company)

4. This project is so important, we can't let things that are more important interfere with it. (Advertising/Marketing manager, United Parcel Service)

5. Doing it right is no excuse for not meeting the schedule. No one will believe you solved this problem in one day! We've been working on it for months. Now, go act busy for a few weeks and I'll let you know when it's time to tell them. (R&D supervisor, Minnesota Mining and Manufacturing/3M Corp.)

6. My Boss spent the entire weekend retyping a 25-page proposal that only needed corrections. She claims the disk I gave her was damaged and she couldn't edit it. The disk I gave her was write-protected. (CIO of Dell Computers)

7. Quote from the Boss: "Teamwork is a lot of people doing what I say." (Marketing executive, Citrix Corporation)

8. My sister passed away and her funeral was scheduled for Monday. When I told my Boss, he said she died so that I would have to miss work on the busiest day of the year. He then asked if we could change her burial to Friday. He said, "That would be better for me." (Shipping executive, FTD Florists)

9. "We know that communication is a problem, but the company is not going to discuss it with the employees." (Switching supervisor, AT&T Long Lines Division)

10. We recently received a memo from senior management saying: "This is to inform you that a memo will be issued today regarding the subject mentioned above." (Microsoft, Legal Affairs Division)

11. One day my Boss asked me to submit a status report to him concerning a project I was working on. I asked him if tomorrow would be soon enough. He said "If I wanted it tomorrow, I would have waited until tomorrow to ask for
it!" (New business manager Hallmark Greeting Cards.)

12. As director of communications, I was asked to prepare a memo reviewing our company's training programs and materials. In the body of the memo one of the sentences I mentioned the "pedagogical approach" used by one of the
training manuals. The day after I routed the memo to the executive committee, I was called into the HR director's office, and told that the executive vice president wanted me out of the building by lunch. When I asked why, I was told that she wouldn't stand for perverts" (pedophilia?) working in her
company. Finally, he showed me her copy of the memo, with her demand that I be fired - and the word "pedagogical" circled in red. The HR manager was fairly reasonable, and once he looked the word up in his dictionary and made
a copy of the definition to send back to her, he told me not to worry. He would take care of it. Two days later, a memo to the entire staff came out directing us that no words which could not be found in the local Sunday newspaper could be used in company memos. A month later, I resigned. In accordance with company policy, I created my resignation memo by pasting words together from the Sunday paper. (Taco Bell Corporation)

Jealousy: Fearful of losing what one has to another. (esp. someone's love or affection.) Resentful of another's success, advantages, etc. Arising from feelings of envy, apprehension or bitterness. Intolerant of disloyalty.

Jealousy started out as an instinct that was intended for survival. Later the human brain developed it and derived it from envy, perverted the concept into something that breeds contempt.

Is it a bad thing?

I don't generally beleive in 'good' or 'bad' and this is one example of why. Without certain jealousies occurring in people, not many would strive to 'better' themselves or attain different things in life. Without a man being jealous of his neighbor for something as trivial as a better looking front lawn, he would undoubtedly let his go to overgrowth. In his competive thoughts, he has something to do and a goal to reach for. Or not.

Sometimes the devious mind takes it all too far and the competitive nature turns into the vengeful spirit. The man who could easily make a goal to make his lawn better than his neighbor's can easily turn into the man who simply pours buckets of salt on his neighbor's lawn instead.

I could go on about that stuff, but that isn't really what I was intending to write about. I once confessed to a good friend that I found her life interesting and I was somewhat jealous for her abilities to do the things she does and the things she has done in her life when she was younger. In all seriousness she turned to me and told me she was jealous of my life, also, for various reasons I never even thought of. I thought about it and asked her why she would be jealous of MY life, I thought it was boring and I don't really like it too much. She asked me the same thing of herself because she didn't think much of hers, either. Amazing realizations.

My point, today, is that the grass is greener on the other side. It can be very interesting to know, sometimes, the people you admire most often admire you, as well. Furthermore, many times it takes someone pointing out all your greatness for you to even see it.

A Zen Tale

The Gentle Art of Zen Mondo

A Classic Tale From the Rakugo Storyteller's Repertoire

translation and adaptation by poet Arthur Binard

The Joshu region of Japan is known for the dry winds that bluster down from the mountains and for the konnyaku plants that grow in the fields. The plants' potato-like tubers are sliced and dried, then boiled and shaped into deliciously chewy patties, which are also called, simply, konnyaku.

In southern Joshu, on the outskirts of the town of Annaka, there lived a konnyaku maker named Rokubei. Born and raised in Edo, he might have spent his whole life there, but a tendency to drink heavily, gamble unluckily, and frequent houses of ill repute made that untenable. Having exhausted a lifetime's worth of credit in just 20-some years, he left the big city behind, worked hard to learn his present trade, and was eventually able to set up his own shop. He had a certain charisma and soon came to be seen as the unofficial head of his neighborhood. Occasionally, young men who had been living too fast in Edo would show up on Rokubei's doorstep and he never failed to help them.

Hachigoro showed up in somewhat worse shape than most. Not only had he parted with his last yen, but due to a bout of venereal disease, he had lost all of the hair on his head as well. Rokubei, though, saw this loss as a possible advantage and said, "I think I may have a job tailor-made for you."

The nearby temple had been without a resident monk, without a bonze, that is, for some time. Gonsuke, the temple boy kept the place tidy, but he was too young to take over as head bonze. Hachigoro didn't know a sutra from a koan, but he was old enough. "And besides," added Rokubei, "you've got the look. Your head is pre-shaved! Come on, you can wing the rest."

Thus Hachigoro was appointed head bonze. The original plan was to have Gonsuke give him a crash course in the basics of Buddhist ritual and, in fact, they did manage to pull off a funeral together. However, they also spent quite a bit of time over dice, with Hachigoro teaching Gonsuke the basics of gambling ritual. As a result, novice Head Bonze Hachigoro was grossly unprepared when, one bright morning, a traveling bonze appeared at the gate and issued a mondo dialogue challenge.

Gonsuke met this real, bona fide bonze out at the gate and returned to the temple pale and short of breath. "Now we're in trouble," he told Hachigoro. "You can't turn him away. In Zen Buddhism, and this is a Zen temple, you know, if a bonze is challenged to a mondo dialogue, he must accept. And if defeated, he must hand his temple over to the challenger." Hachigoro rubbed his bald head and whined, "You mean he's trying to drive me out of my own temple? That's not fair. I don't do mondo!"

The two decided to do the only sensible thing. Hachigoro hid in the closet and Gonsuke told the traveling bonze that his master was out of town. The bonze replied that he would return tomorrow, and the next day if necessary. In fact, he would come every day for the next year.

When the coast was clear, Hachigoro emerged from the closet, sneezed, and declared that they had better take the statue of Buddha and the other paraphernalia, skip town, and sell everything to an antique dealer. He and Gonsuke were busy packing when Rokubei came by to see how ritual practice was going. "Zen dialogue?!" he guffawed, "What are you worried about? That mondo mumbo jumbo, how hard can it be?"

"Harder than konnyaku, I'm afraid," sighed Gonsuke.

"No sweat. I bet the guy's bluffing. I'll tell you what: tomorrow I'll dress up as head bonze and we'll see if he's for real."

The statue of Buddha was returned to its pedestal. Next morning when the traveling bonze arrived as promised, Rokubei was waiting for him in the main hall, seated in full regalia with his head freshly shaved.

After a deep bow, the challenger posed his first question: "When wind blows through a pine tree, a unique sound is made. Respectfully I ask, is it the voice of the wind, or the voice of the pine?"

Rokubei hadn't a clue, so he said nothing and simply glared. At first, the traveling bonze was puzzled, but then it dawned on him that this was surely the advanced, deeply esoteric "silent mondo" technique. He nodded, closed his eyes for a moment, then glaring back, he placed both hands in front of his chest and made a circle with his thumbs and forefingers.

Rokubei shook his head and held up both arms in a big circle. Next the traveling bonze thrust out both hands with his 10 fingers spread. Rokubei responded by thrusting out his right hand only, fingers spread. The challenger bowed in acceptance, and held out his right hand with just three fingers raised. Rokubei threw his head back and, with his right hand, pointed to his right eye. With that, the challenger sighed, stood up, and walked out.

Gonsuke had been watching the entire mondo from a crack between the sliding doors. Still, he didn't know what to make of the exchange, so he ran after the departing bonze and asked how it had gone.

"Well, I made a circle in front of my chest, asking your master, of course, about the state of the human soul. He responded with a large circle, meaning "as spacious as the spheres." Then I inquired about the Ten Directions of the world. He indicated that the Five Great Laws would preserve them. When I asked about the Three Great Teachings, he pointed out that they are always here right before our eyes. That's when I realized he was far too enlightened an opponent for me. I'll return years from now, once I've attained a deeper understanding."

Gonsuke was truly impressed. Who would have imagined that Rokubei, the konnyaku maker, was a Zen expert!?

But back inside the temple, he found Rokubei fuming: "That bastard must have passed by my shop and seen me working or something. He starts his mondo thing, but then stops, gives me a good looking over and a knowing little nod. I could tell he recognized me, dammit, because he made the shape of a konnyaku with his fingers. He was saying, 'Your konnyaku's about this small,' so I made a jumbo konnyaku with both arms to show him how wrong he was. Then he asks, 'How much for 10?' So I show him, you know, 5 yen. Now get this! That bonze asked for a stinking discount — 'Give 'em to me for 3 yen.' Well, that's when I told him to stick it in his eye!"

I was born intelligent -
education ruined me.

I didn't fight my way to the top of the
food chain to be a vegetarian.

Practice makes perfect.....
But nobody's perfect......
so why practice?

If it's true that we are here to help others,
then what exactly are the others here for?

Since light travels faster than sound,
people appear bright until you hear them speak.

Money is not everything.
There's Mastercard & Visa.

One should love animals.
They are so tasty.

Everyone should marry.
After all, happiness is not the only thing in life.

The wise never marry.
and when they marry they become otherwise.

Success is a relative term.
It brings so many relatives.

Never put off the work till tomorrow
what you can put off today.

"Your future depends on your dreams"
So go to sleep

There should be a better way to start a day
Than waking up every morning

"Hard work never killed anybody"
But why take the risk

"Work fascinates me"
I can look at it for hours

The more you learn, the more you know,
The more you know, the more you forget
The more you forget, the less you know
So.. why learn.

A bus station is where a bus stops.
A train station is where a train stops.
On my desk, I have a work station....
what more can I say........

in a very brief arguement my three year old daughter had with her father one morning:


Dad: Rioko, put your shirt on.

Rioko: You don't have a shirt on, dad.

Dad: Yes, but i'm a guy.

Rioko: Yeah...and I'm a girl.


- the argement was over at that point as her father was left speachless. it is tough to raise children without being a hypocrit! it is amazing to discover how many things we do that we don't want her to do. we usually don't realize it until she corrects our behavior just as we do her. "mom! don't sit on the table!" "dad, shoes off the furnature!"

her father and i both have addictive personalities and mental disorders, he has depression more than likely created from years of drug and alcohol abuse when he was younger. i am sure she will also have the addictive personality type along with some sort of mental disturbances. i asked her father what he would say to her reguarding drugs and alcohol. he quoted a comedian and looked at rioko and said "drugs cause brain damage" then pounded his fist into his hand a few times as a warning.

on one hand, rioko needs to learn her own lessons about life. on the other she could get hurt. pain is a very important part to learning. if we never felt pain, emotional or physical, we would undoubtedly continue to do harmful things and never learn anything. it is tough to stand back and see loved ones hurt themselves, but that is what we are here for. as a loved one, we should not hinder their growth and learning but aid and support. we can lend advice, support them through their descisions, and be there for them when they fall. we are here to help them along the way, show them more healthy alternatives and allow them the freedom to choose their path in life.

we are here to learn and we are all in control of our own thoughts, feelings and emotions. it is impossible to force others to think, feel or do things they don't want to. even if i held a gun to your head, you still have options, they might not be the most wonderful options, but you always have options.

"all the people, all the events in your life are there because you have brought them there. what you choose to do with them is up to you"

think about that. everything around you in your life, even the people, they are there because you want them to be. sure, you may think that stray kitty found you, but you got up and went out and noticed it and you can choose to send it away any time to wish. same with people and things. we create our own problems because we need to learn something. we choose to do everything we do, wether that be feeling sad over something, doing drugs, talking to people, getting upset, etc. we are in complete control of ourselves and nobody can take that from us.

it all comes down to "make a way or make an excuse" because if you really want something bad enough, you will make a way. no exceptions. if you don't desire it strongly enough, you will make some excuse to block yourself from getting it. if you are shaking your head and disagreeing right now, it's because you are making an excuse right now. think about that.

some excuses are 'it's illegal' yes, it might look like a good excuse, but it is still an excuse. i am not saying that's a bad thing. there are many people who, if they got what they wanted, the rest of us might not like it too well. such as 'i want my neighbor's tv.'

the only bad word in the english language is -can't-. it traps us in a mindset that we are disabled and creates yet another excuse to not do something. try a little excersize - for one week every time you want to say the word CAN'T, stop yourself and say WON'T instead. that will make the remark true. think about that.

suddenly - "i can't get to work today"
turns into - "i won't go to work today"

and this makes so much more sence. you can go anywhere you want. many methods of transportation exist, including *gasp* walking. yeah sure, your work might be fifty miles away and to walk you would have to wake six hours early, but you can still do it if you really want to. personally, i'd rather stay home than walk to work. or take a bus. or steal my neighbor's bike. or steal a car. always options available, even if you don't like them, they are there.

brings me to the next point.

work and things you think you don't like. people will not do things they hate. really. they may not like work too much, but they choose to go because they like the money it provides and don't know how or aren't willing to do other things for the money. there are options there, too. you could steal money, sell drugs, sell your body, sell other people's bodies, get a different job, cut a leg off and collect disability, so many options. personally i suggest getting another job over the rest, but look around, different people choose different paths. or they make excuses so they can stay in their comfortable 'hell'. if people truelly hated what it is they are doing, they would stop. they don't know there are options available to them or they don't like the options they know are available, such as the illegal ones. not all your options are illegal. sit down and make a long list some day of all the possible outs you have for any situation you don't like too well. even write down the absurd sounding ones like becomming a pirate or stealing cars. just don't forget the top one 'getting a new -insert annoyance here-'.

if you don't like the way your life is going you are free to change anything anytime. it is very difficult to let go of the things we know and what we are comfortable with. if all we know in life is shit, then we become comfortable in the shit and get frightened or confused once we climb out, but it is more than likely all worth the trouble.

"there once was a bird who told his friends he was not going to fly south for the winter. it was a lot of work and trouble and so exausting. he told them he was going to stay right were he was in his nest where he always was. when winter came the bird started to freeze and get hungry. he went out to find food and was having trouble finding worms in the frozen ground. as he sat down, freezing to death, he thought about how silly he had been and that he was going to die. suddenly a cow walked by and shit on the bird. The crap was so warm and comfortable that the bird perked up, smiling and singing. he was so happy that he was warm now! in the distance a fox heard the bird singing and came by and ate him. - moral, not eveything or everyone you think is bad is your enemy and if you are happy in your shit, don't sing about it."

(basically quit complaining about your life and go do something about it.)

letting go is difficult. change is difficult. it might not seem like it is helping at first, whatever you might chose to do, but remember to look back on your life every so often and see how it has changed since birth...or hasn't. are you living how you want to be living right now? are you doing what you want to do right now? your life is your lesson, are you learning anything from what you are doing?

your life is a gift and every day you trade a day of your life for one day of living, make the most of this wonderful gift you have been given.

why waste the gift on hate, misunderstanding, vengeance, worry,
sorrow, or grief? those are all good emotions in moderation, but is that how you want to live? it is your choice.

"long ago there was a crystal river filled with small crystal creatures at the bottom clinging to rocks. all their lives they would cling to those rocks at the bottom of the beautiful flowing crystal river. they knew no other life until one spoke up one day and said 'i wonder were the current goes. i am going to let go of my rock and find out.' the other creatures told him not to, they told him if he let go he would be smashed to death on the sharp rocks and swept away forever. the creature was frightened, but he wanted something different than this meager boring life.

he let go.

the current quickly took him from his rock and smashed him against another, then another. he tumbled and spun and was smashed against so many rocks until the current lifted him higher and higher. finally he found himself floating peacefully above all the other creatures. the current took him on through life wherever it would and he seen the beauty of life all around him while the other creatures below clung to their rocks in amazement and called him messiah."

You know, it kind of goes without saying, but when you get a chance to do something or meet someone, you probably should remember 'Carpe Diem' and go for it headfirst. How many oppertunities have you, knowingly, missed in your life? I am sure you hear it often, I know I do, but if there is a person out there you really want to get closer to but are too shy to talk to them, you are wasting an imporrtant part of your life and, quite possibly, missing out on greatness. Okay, if that person turns out to be a mean spirited shallow lunatic who you end up not liking, that is good, too. Then you won't continue to waste your time dreaming about them and later in life you won't regret getting to know them and wondering what it would have been like.

When I lived in a shelter, a guy moved in across the hall from my room. I heard he was cute but hadn't met him for almost a week after he moved in so I slipped a note under his door telling him to come out and play. I have never been the shy type, I am quite bold and go after what I want, but the day I first seen this man come out of his room and walk down the hall, I stood with the other girls with my jaw dropped tot he floor drooling all over myself without saying a word.

It was like on tv when you see the guy/girl confronted with the person they are smitten by and they can't form a proper sentance or do anything right. I was never that way until I seen this guy. I tried to make small talk but it always came out wrong. The other girls followed him around like stray puppies, he always was surrounded by women. I figured I didn't have a chance with this guy. This super sexy, sweet guy who loves animals, kids and knows how to fix a broken vehicle.

Damn.

I sort of faded into the background, thinking he was the type to just take the hottest girl following him at the time. I spoke to him a bit, but felt so silly. I let him go. Later I found out he had kind of gotten together with one of the other women and I moved out of the shelter. I actually came to discover he really liked me. I was too stupid to see it at the time, thinking he just wanted a pretty face or a good time. All the times he flirted with me, I didn't see it until too late because I was caught up in myself thinking I wasn't good enough for him or wondering why he would want to be with me over all them sexy girls at his heels.

Looking back it all seems to silly.

Confidence! When you lack confidence, you lack an important part of living. Without confidence you miss out on so many things in life. Don't get hung up on silly things like wondering if you look good enough to be with someone, that is asinine.

One thing I can say, however, is everything that happens, is exactly what is supposed to happen. I don't know what the hell I would have done with that guy, but I can't picture my life different than it is right now and that is because everything is exactly how it is supposed to be in my life. I missed out on him because it was meant to be this way.

Yes, it somewhat contradicts itself. Think about it all for a while and you might understand what I am rambling about.

Good and Bad

A poor farmer and his son lived together on a hillside. They owned one horse, wich was very important for plowing the farmland and for transportation through the land. One day the farmer's son went riding and he fell from the horse, breaking his leg.

The farmer's neighbor seen the incident and shook his head solomnly,

"What a great misfortune - How bad that is."

The farmer shrugged his shoulders and smiled,

"Perhaps, perhaps not."

The next day the Emperial Army was riding through the village collecting all young men to go to war for the Emperor. They came to the farmer's home and looked his son over, noticing his broken leg they decided he was not fit for the army and left him be.

The neighbor seen the incident and spoke merrily,

"What wonderful luck that was! That was good!"

The farmer shrugged. Just then the army noticed the fine stallion the son had been riding the day before. They took the horse in the stead of the son.

The neighbor frowned,

"Terrible misfortune..."

Still, the farmer shrugged.

The stallion the army took from the farmer was soon deemed unmanageable for the army and he was released into the wild. A week passed by when the horse returned to his home with five other horses following him that he had collected from the wild.

The neighbor was beside himself with joy for his friend, the farmer.

Thus begins a life of 'good' and 'bad' occurances.

There is no such thing as a problem without a gift in its hands. We seek problems because we desire their gifts. -Bach-

There is no good or bad. It just IS and that is all it has to be.

Is there a national Wait Staff Week? There should be. This is for all of you who have ever been, are now or might become a waitress or waiter.

This is for those of you who put up with assholes who take their frusterations out on you and those who don't leave tips to good waiters and waitresses no matter what a great job they did.

This is for all of you who had to stay late, cover shifts, work overtime and double shifts, work days off and still remain as pleasant as you could to those costomers who are never pleased no matter what you do for them.

This is for those who had to be the prep cook, the cashier, the hostess, the janator, and everything else as well as wait tables...during the lunch rush.

This is for those of you who covered school functions with a smile while young teenagers had food fights and covered the whole place with spaghetti...which you had to clean later. While waiting tables.

For all of you who work extra hard while raising kids or going to school, those who have two jobs and still work hard, those of you who endure countless hours of indesicive people, grumpy old folks, bratty children running through your feet and screaming, terrible teenagers with bad attitudes and no money, your ever stressed out bosses, the people at the other table thinking they are the only ones there while in a crowded restaurant, people who think it's funny to throw things at you or be completely rude, and other lovely things...

Waitresses and waiters are some of the hardest working people on the planet and they are often underestimated. Not many people understand what a typical work day for them brings. Some days are smooth and uneventful, but when it is bad, it's really bad. Think of all the people you meet in your lifetime that are rude to you and you still serve them at your job, or maybe you are lucky and you don't have to deal with the public when they are in a hurry. They have to serve people with a pleasant attitude and cater to even the most horrible folks or lose their job.

Remember, you are not the only person in the restaurant and your waiter or waitress has been putting up with shit since the doors opened today, and yesterday, and probably the day before. Take it easy on them when the cook doesn't make your steak perfect, that is not their fault, they just bring it to you. Do not yell at them for forgetting your side dish, do you even understand how many things they have to remember at once? Smile and be pleasant, your bad day is not their fault and if you are in a hurry, don't eat at a restaurant!

And remember: LEAVE A FUCKING TIP YOU TIGHTWAD BASTARD!

"A person who is nice to you but mean to the waiter/waitress is NOT a nice person..."